today

I just reached over to my calendar and slashed off another day.  It’s something I do every day so I remember what day it is, because I never do, but this time was different.  Usually, it’s just a ritual I go through. Mark off the day.  Woohoo!  Another day done, bring on the next!  No big deal.  Today, it felt like I killed a part of myself when slashing that box.  That little box that I so often half-mindedly mark off showed its true colors to me.  It screamed at me.  Usually it stays quiet as I slash, and the next box presents itself to me in all of its blank glory waiting to be slashed tomorrow.  Today, though.  Today I realized, at my core, that the blank box I just slashed signifies a day of my life I’ll never get back.  That box is dead now, never to return.  How many moments did I waste in that day which I seemingly marked off in a fraction of a second, and thinking back, seemed to fly by in reality even faster than that?  Waste on indecision, on repetition, on sacrificing myself for others’ opinions, on monotony, on negativity, on anger, on emptiness, on passiveness, on fear?  I must be getting older or something, I dunno.  Not sure how this relates to Aiki, but I know it does.  This story’s been told a million times.  Time flies.  How we spend it matters.  Spend it well.

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2 comments

  1. Like many things, it’s perspective. Do you look at that slash like dead soldiers who died in vain, or do you see it as another good day? I once knew an older lady in the retirement home in which I worked who did the same thing on her calendar–except she used hearts and flowers on the good days, and a sad face on the not-so-good days. She would look back them and realize as she got older, there were nothing but flowers and hearts. Apparently she used to use an “X” mark, but came to a similar conclusion. Outlook is everything. Learn from and love your past, live for today, and look forward to tomorrow, brother.

    That, and yeah, Jonas, you’re gettin’ old. 😛

    • Very nice way to go about it, Kyle, thank you for the new perspective. A slash seems so harsh, I guess.

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